DONE!

I hereby declare To The Shore officially finished!

Last year at around this time I said that, but that was just the main text: still ahead of me lay the daunting task of editing the whole thing. Now no more editing. No more nitpicking. No more changing little details. No more agonizing over choosing between synonyms for the most effective way to say something. The more I fiddle with it, the more it's going to start diminishing from here. I must stop. It's time to pay attention to my next baby, little book two.

Unless there are typos.

But that doesn't count as changing it.

Sane? Not likely.

Today's sanity score is 143. I just keep getting crazier and crazier. There's so much going on, and nothing getting done, and my mind just keep spinning around so much with physical and mental and emotional pain.

I know, all blogs are about these days is people whining. We talk to hear ourselves talk, and I've got nothing to say but "Waaaahhhh!"

Another thing I've noticed lately in the past week or so is that my typing skills have plummeted. It takes me so long to type anything because I have to keep going back and typing it over. My brain catches the mistakes, and I'm OCD enough to insist on fixing them, but my hands are not cooperating with my brain at all. It's very disconcerting, and makes me feel dumber than ever. I spend so much time online, and talk to several of my friends only in text - - it's like not being able to talk!

I suppose I should update about my doctor's appointment, but that's just more whining, I'm afraid. Xrays show I have bone spurs in my heels and I got Cortizone shots in both heels. Ow. Whine. Stay off your feet as much as you can, ma'am. Tschya, right, like that's even vaguely possible. I'm busy all the time it feels like. Problem is, the shots are helping, so I'm feeling better, so trying to do more. I'd stay off my feet if they hurt worse. Catch 22.

Seven hours' credit

I did eight hours of work and spent a dollar, so I've got seven dollars of merchandise waiting for me to choose it at the store. Actually, I've got lots more than that set aside, but the thing is as long as it's set aside, I don't really need to take it home. So I can wait til I've earned it. See how I am?

James has turned the downstairs into a Computer Lab and has been playing at Mad Scientist. One moment he complains, next moment he's drooling over the merchandise.

I really hope Cindy doesn't undo all our work when she comes in on Tuesday. We really rearranged the front room a LOT, moving the cash register and rehanging the crucifix so it's a)safer and b)more prominent than it was when she had the concessions stand door open. I'll get a picture of it for you tomorrow. (Yes, we're going in again tomorrow, and yes, I want to. The more we get done, the less Cindy will be able to wreck.) Tonight, Donna, Molly and I stayed quite late and the clothes room has been transformed into something you can actually walk through and find things in. It's amazering. I'll leave you with a picture of it.

Power out again

Last night at 8:30. Tiffanie and I were sitting in my living room talking. No tech was being used, everything was minding its own business.

When I tried to turn my computer on this morning (I babysat for M&T last night and was too tired to even try when I got home) it first stopped at the "E" screen, so I restarted again. Nothing new, that happens a lot. The next time, it went to the "Yes, I'm going to start now" screen... and froze there. The CPU made little clicks and whirrs like it was really trying to start, but no such luck. When I hit the power button to turn it off, usually you have to press it and hold it for two or three seconds before it powers down. This time I barely touched it and it was out. I think these power outages are reeeeeally damaging my poor computer, which wasn't in good shape to start with. I think I may know where my Xmas and LIEAP money will be going, damnit.

Anyway, for babysitting, Tiffanie bought me a Terry's chocolate orange! Yay! I am munching on it now. Crunchings and munchings, as Gurgi would say, and in this case literally: this one has "toffee crunch" in it. A very strange, but extremely yummy combination.

And it's off I go to the store again today, for more vandalism fun. This is a picture of the old school library, just one door down from the room Travis was sorting computers in yestreday. See? More computers! And a big mess. And lots of books. But therefore slightly more interesting than a room with no books.

Vandalism

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

Today I vandalized the girl's bathroom of a private Catholic school. We (me, Mikey and Alysa) removed a wall between two regular sized toilet stalls to make one large handicapped stall. But I cleaned before we vandalized. Nobody wants to vandalize a place that stinks to high heaven! Tomorrow I am planning further vandalism in the form of defacement of the door of said toilet stall so it says "Handicapped Access" so people will know why the divider wall is gone.

I also took a bunch of pictures of a few of the classrooms. It won't impress anyone today or tomorrow, but five years from now we'll look at the piccys and go "My G-d, look at all the work that went into this! Who could have thought it was that bad? What an improvement!"

Travis and James spent hours hauling furniture around, stacking it neatly in corners and puzzling out what computers do and don't work. I wish I had a photo of the computer room before Travis started cleaning. It's a nightmare enough as it was when I snapped the shots, but it was even worse before. Ah well, c'est la vie, non?

I'm going up there again tomorrow to clean the bathrooms even more, and try to do some other work and plans and scheming before Cindy gets back on Tuesday. The more we do in her absence, the harder it will be for her to undo our work while we're gone. We didn't even ask her permission to disassemble the bathroom, for instance. We're going to present her with a fait accompli and watch her shit her drawers. I dare her to deny we need a handicapped stall.

The computer room, already mostly cleaned. No, really. You shoulda seen it before! All those desks neatly stacked against the wall were in the middle of the room apparently mating with the computer monitors - it was scary!

Happy NARS Day!

Or "Thanksgiving," as most people call it. All that family gathering together and celebrating their thankfulness for stuff just like our ancestors (some of, anyway) were thankful that the Indians decided to feed them instead of kill them.

I understand the guilt angle, truly I do. Growing up in Blackfoot country, learning and understanding their culture, I realize how sad it is that the whole thing got trampled on and very nearly lost. I have a very specific way of dealing with that guilt. For me, the necessary thing is to watch an episode of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer called "Pangs" - the Thanksgiving episode. Willow does indeed get all huffy and guilty over the Indigenous People question, to which Spike says "Look, you won, they lost, get over it. Caesar did the same thing, but he didn't go around whining 'I came, I conqueored, I felt really bad about it.' You had better weapons and you won. End of story."

Besides, I don't see why I should feel guilty for something I didn't do. *grumble, grumble*

I know, it doesn't really work. Being white we have to feel guilty about killing Indians and enslaving blacks and destroying the atmosphere and all that wonderful stuff. But I liked Spike's pointing out the historical accuracy and even normality of the situation. He is right, technically.

And speaking of being right, there's another wonderful line from that episode that one simply cannot live without. It comes from Anya, of course.

Anya: Everyone loves a ritual sacrifice.
Buffy: Not really one of those.
Anya: Of course it is. To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice. With pie.

You gotta love Anya, she tells it like it is. So I hope you all enjoyed our National Annual Ritual Sacrifice Day!

Feet feats

Well I went back to see my doc, and she said "wutcha meen yer feets ain't bedur?" (okay, she didn't say that exactly, but it's what she meant) So she's sending me to a podiatrist. Maybe a doctor who does nuffin' but feet will be able to fisk it betterer. So they hooked me up an appointment right then and there, and dagnabbit, it's on MONDAY MORNING! Oh well. I'll live. Gotsta live if I'm gonna go play in the old school store, right? Of course right.

I'm a Junkyard Dawg

My aunt Donna works at the new secondhand store. Just her and one other lady. They need help. There is so much to do! They have an entire abandoned school building full of old abandoned school stuff as well as donations of regular secondhand store stuff... and they "pay" volunteers a dollar an hour for stuff in the store. They have more tons of work to do than they know what to do with.

I said "I'll help, as long as I don't have to lift anything heavy (obviously) and don't have to deal with the public! Put me in the back rooms sorting stuff and I'll be helpful and happy as a clam."

This way, I also get to pick over stuff before it hits the showroom floor. And git the good stuff. Fer cheap.

And I get out of the house on a semi-regular basis. And when I'm feeling yuchie, I can just not go, coz I'm a fargin' volunteer. And I can bring music and headphones (if needed) and just be somewhere other than my living room. Maybe it'll help with the winter siege.

And I get to hang out with my antique Donnafwa too. Which is of the good. And we get to talk shop - the thing we have most in common, bargain-hunting at secondhand stores and yard sales.

Last night I spent a great deal of time cleaning in the window bay area so I'd have room for my Xmas tree. I discovered that there is a huge pile of throw pillows that have been thrown behind the turtle tank so they're not in the way. Not ever used. Git rid of 'em! Off to the secondhand store with ye! So yeah, I may be bringing home more stuff, but I'm also getting rid of stuff. I've been trying to do that lately. Donna says she has the same problem, bringing all this cool stuff home. I told her we're trading up.

Adventures of Jasper

Last night when I went up to bed, I opened the door to the stairs and found a dark lump on the bottom step. What on earth? I looked closer, and it was a turtle. Jasper. She had gotten out of her pond and somehow survived a fall down the stairs, all the way to the bottom. I picked her up, carried her upstairs and put her back in the pond. She is swimming just fine, acting normal and healthy. She doesn't appear to have been injured at all from her adventures. This is good, I'm happy about it. What I wanna know is how the hell did she get out of her pond in the first place?!?!?!?

There is nothing in there for her to climb on. I have not finished the turtle dock, which would naturally push away from the edges if they try to climb the sides anyway. The sides are sheer. The water (I know, because I measured it after returning her safe and sound) is eight inches from the top, much lower than in the photo below. There were no gashes or holes in the plastic to mark where she might have made a ladder for herself with her claws. What happened, did Corkie give her a boost?

That damned lining has to come out. Even the 7mil ripped. It's much more rigid than the 1mil so it hasn't floated around the tank and caused trouble, but it's still got to go. What the hell can I put in there? Anyway, there weren't any holes in the plastic for her to have climbed up on. I still have no idea how she could have escaped. If I weren't already, I'd say this mystery would drive me crazy. I guess I'll just have to say crazier.

Oh and just in case you were wondering, yes I was out for a little while yestreday. I'm pretty sure I would've heard her fall down the stairs if I were at home when it happened.

Meds update

Went to see Dr. Lanes today. He didn't change my med, just when I take it. Instead of one pill three times a day, he now wants me to take all three pills at bedtime. Wow, this is a change I can really approve of for its simplicity if nothing else. Hope it works!

Nanowrimo is upon us! Fleee!

Okay, so the news is a bit late, the month being more than half over, but better late than never, I say. John Kovalic has proposed "Nononono," the movement for people who AREN'T writing a "Nanowrimo" novel this month...

I for one am proud this year to stand up and not participate deliberately, rather than (as last year and every year before that) not participating due to not knowing it existed. Just say Nononono to Nanowrimo!

Encore

And the power went out again tonight. 11:04pm as well as the 8:45 earlier this evening. Maybe the more I keep track, the more a pattern will develop. I've even made a chart of everything that is plugged in and what always has the power on as opposed to things that get turned off... maybe I can triangulate what's on when the power blows. Maybe.

And a completely random photograph, which habit I am beginning to enjoy. Here is a non-sequiter for just about every situation.

Power Outage

Again. Yes, the power went out again. I was IMing with someone on the computer (boy was my face red for disappearing from a conversation cold like that...) when the world went dark. It takes forever for my computer to reboot when it's been turned off, sometimes it won't restart for hours even, so I carefully noted down the time the power went out so I could blog it later. Which is now...

The power went out at 8:45pm. I was not vacuuming. I was running the dryer, but when I went out to the back porch to flip the switch the dryer was still running. Like the stove, it's one of the things on a separate circuit. The heat was on, and went down when the power went down.

Just logging it all down for future reference.

Laundry Day

Nearly every article of clothing I own (except my plethora of shirts, but only the ones I never wear) is dirty. I will be making extensive use of my timer today, as I have great skill at forgetting laundry is done and ready for the dryer. Yestreday I had to choose among my bras to see which was the least smelly. Yeah, it's that bad. Laundry day is long past due!

Today's Sanity Score: 138.

Newbie Joys!

Well I wasn't planning on garbing for tonight's Avalon get-together... it's a movie night, after all. But our newbie came in the garb I gave her last week (What's the point of having Gold Key with a population like ours? I just gave her the stuff), and she asked James to garb - he'd left his garb here, but put it on when he arrived - so I kind of had to garb. It was a moral imperative.

Parish wants to play again. He's found his white belt and is in the mood to play, so I am very happy. James told him I had glass bottles (5 1gal. wine bottles) for him, but only if he ran a mead class. He said he was already planning on making some anyway. This is all looking like good. It appears that things are beginning to be made of win. I has a hopeful. I even talked to him directly on the phone today and he mentioned wanting to play, so it's not just hearsay. Oh I hope we wrangle him back in again!

We are also getting the Jones' on a regular basis... this is pure treasure. Pappa's planning blacksmithing activities we can do, and Mama pulled out her needlework and worked on it all through the movie (Terry Jones' "Crusades"), with a flashlight coz the lights were low. That's dedication!

I knew if I stuck in there long enough I wouldn't remain the only Avalon member in Montana!

A photo:

Eyeballs

I haz nu wunz!

Yestreday while running errands I got to stop by and pick up the new lenses for my glasses! I haz a happy! I can see you! Still adjusting to the new scrip, that'll probably take a few days, but that's okay. One thing I can see very clearly is that there are no scratches on my lenses! Also, I paid some extra for the scratch-guard, so they should remain non-scratched for a long time. I hope.

A picture on topic:

SCARY!

I'm ashamed to admit that I did shop a little at the EE yestreday. I seem to be constitutionally incapable of passing the electronics department without looking on the $5 rack for scary movies. And I found some, too.

This last time my folks visited, I was so excited to show dad some of my Zombie movies, but he wasn't impressed after the first one or two, he's like "These are all zombies, where are your other scary movies?" Well, I've expanded my collection since then, and have some that will keep him up all night next summer. Whoo-ee, do I ever! I particularly recommend "Salvage" and "Saw," but there are a lot more out there I haven't seen yet, of course.

A picture to post. Hmmmm.... Okay, here's a scary one:

Switching Gears...

Okay, so no underwear. He ended up in Trish's hands, and G-d only knows when/if they'll come up for air. Oops, was I supposed to say that? Heh heh heh...

However, I was talking to Sutton and she said she'd been meaning to ask me if I needed to run errands. She swears she didn't read my blog. So tomorrow is errands day for Josie! Huzzah!

• Silver House - drop off paperwork
  
• Bank - pay rent, withdraw cash.
  
• Post Office - mail package to Beth
  
• LIEAP Office - drop off paperwork
  
• (maybe) BSW to drop off stuff (maybe)
  
• Rocky Mountain Optical - get my new lenses
  
• Evil Empire - mostly non-food shopping, actually. Batteries. Spray paint. Turtle food.
  

I don't wanna go to the EE, and I'm not sure there'll be time to, but I might be able to talk her into taking me there since I actually have a list. I shall be buying, not shopping. There is a difference. So wish me luck!

A picture....

Underwear

Jimber is supposed to come over today and help me look for my underwear.

Okay, I just wanted to say that coz it sounds so silly. There is a documentary called "A Brief History of Underwear" that the Avalon group is planning on watching Tuesday night, but I don't know where the tape is. Of course, it was over two hours ago that I spoke to him on the phone and he said "what I'm doing now (at E&S's house) will take five minutes. I'll be right up."

I think he inherited his mother's sense of time.

A picture... what shall I post? Hmmmm..... this might become a thing, a signature bit, to post a photo every time, but what to pick? Hmmmm....

So tired...

I am brutally exhausted of not having a car. It's the 14th, and will be the 16th at the very earliest (if I'm lucky) before I can get to the bank. To do what, you ask? To pay my fargin' blargin' margin' bloody rent that was due on the fargin' blargin' margin first! I've left the house exactly twice this month, once on the second and once on the sixth, both for dr's appointments: straight there and straight back, no errands. No, wait. I think I went to the Evil Empire once too. But no rent-paying errands, just necessity grocery shopping.

And I have a stack of errands that only begins with paying the rent. I also have the new lenses for my glasses sitting at the optometrist's just waiting for me to walk in and pick them up. They've been waiting there for over a week now. Yestreday the guy called and left me another message about them, as though he simply could not believe I haven't come in for them. I can't believe it either. I gotta get cash while I'm at the bank too, coz I need to pay Jimber for the plumbing work he did when the water heater blew its regulator-dealie-bobber, gotta get cash for him too. Then there's the LIEAP paperwork (which I still have yet to forge). I have to give them paperwork that says that my landlord says heat is included in the rent. I have bags of stuff to go to the thrift store. (Yeah, you heard me. Josie is trying and failing to get rid of stuff!!!)

I have no bloody transportation. I have friends who vaguely say "Oh yeah, next time I go out, I'll try to remember to ask you..." and sometimes they even do, but that's usually "I'm going to the store, wanna come?" and does not include Josie errands.

I'm so tired of waiting for it to be convenient for someone else. Coz it never is. I wish I could be more assertive, nail someone down with a date and time, but their lives always seem full and busy and chaotic and swirly.

Okay, whining over. Not ranting in anger, just being whiny is all. It's too late for me to be awake, and I'm very tired and sore and achy and cranky and wanna crawl under the covers and cry for awhile. I think I will. Coz you know what? It's convenient, and I can.

So there, nyah!

A happy picture, to send me into sleep-land...

Random Talking...

Hello there, Memarie! I seeeee you! Try to post a comment here, so I can see if this is working or not. Coz that'd be super if it did.

I've had a day. I was sociable, even with a stranger. For several hours. I'm a bit shellshocked at the moment, which is probably why I'm talking funny with run-on sentences and babbly things to say.

I did, however, get about two pages written on the Sefti chapter (19) in Book One, so that's actually coming along. I may be able to wrap that devil of a book up one of these days and get my butt in gear for writing book two. Two pages, I know. Whoopie, big deal. I just get such a block... I blog easier, all I have to do is type what I'm thinking, but with Morgan and company, it's a little trickier. Anyway, I think you'll like what I've done with it, it's getting kinda cool. I just need filler to make the chapter long enough to call a chapter. Most of the rest of the book is (forgive me) ship-shape!

See how well I blog? Write what's on my mind, no problem. The problem in this sort of situation is to get me to shut up. Clickety-clack, you type too fast. Wish I had the money to send the whole thing to Andrea for her to edit - I really like her. A hundred bucks an hour is waaaaayyyyyy out of my price range, though, especially for a 550 page book! Yipes! Oh well, a girl can dream. And dream... and well, you get the picture.

Oh! I could post a picture! Um, let's see, here's one:


What? You thought it'd be a picture of me? Not likely. I'm gonna post a picture of something I wanna look at. And there's snow in the picture, and we have snow on the ground here in Montana. So it's... you know... topical. And has cute guys in it. Reason enough, I say.

Okay, shutting up now.

Memarie, don't forget to try commenting, and if you can't, email me so's I know, kk? Luvs ya bunches!

We're All Mad Here...

Your Sanity Score

123

Based upon your answers, you appear to be experiencing some distress at the moment -- your overall mental health is affected by this distress. People with similar scores tend to experience more difficulty in coping with life, and may feel like they need more help than they're currently getting. Because of this, your mental health could likely use a little boost. If you have been feeling this way for longer than 2 weeks' time, people similar to you have sought out professional care from a mental health professional, such as a psychologist, psychotherapist or psychiatrist.
(The Sanity Score is based upon a scientific algorithm with scores ranging from 0 - 288.)
Your specific subscores are below (subscales range from 0 - 100). Under the graph of subscores, you will find additional information regarding the meaning of any significant scores or areas that may be of concern.

General Coping	71
Life Events	19
Depression	56
Anxiety	62
Phobias	33
Self-Esteem	92
Eating Disorders	55
Schizophrenia	30
Dissociation	75
Mania	35
Sexual Issues	0
Relationship Issues	0
Alcohol	0
Drugs	0
Physical Issues	50
Smoking Issues	0
Gambling Issues	0
Technology Issues	56
Obsessions/Compulsions	69
Posttraumatic Stress	42
Borderline Traits	63

The Sanity Score is an interesting place. A few days ago I was 123, a week ago I was 112. An interesting way to track one's mood over time, coz it stores your past quizzes. Quite possibly a useful tool.

Lest I Forget...

Happy Friday the Thirteenth, everyone! Hope it was a good 'un!

Power Out Again

Well last night at about 7-ish the power went out again. This time I was not vacuuming, not working on the computer, just sitting reading a book. Since the batteries on my flashlight were cannibalized Tuesday for part of our Avalon project, I managed to get from the living room into the kitchen in the dark. Thank goodness I've cleaned recently, I'm such a slob.

Anyway, I realized that since the over-the-sink light is plugged into the same outlet as the fishtank, it ought to work as well. It did, and I had plenty of light to squeeze into the fusebox closet and reset the system.

I didn't do nuthin', it just went out all on its own. Wazzup wit dat? I dunno. Daddy says I need bigger, heavier extension cords, or more outlets. I think I need a cast-iron skillet forcefully applied to my skull.

Test: lalala, connect the dots!